I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
