I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Success! We fucked roommates!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize