Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
