I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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