why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
