Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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