When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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