the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
