I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
