FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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