I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
