Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
