he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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