there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
