This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
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