I like my sex mixed with concussions.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
