oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
