I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
