This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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