You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Church boner. Awkwardddd
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
