So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
