Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
