Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
