its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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