Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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