By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
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Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize