i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
