its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Randomize
