I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
