Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?