Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
