PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
