He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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