my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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