Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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