then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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