Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
