he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
