hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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