broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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