Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
