I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
