Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
