Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
It's official drugs can't kill me
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
