I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
