I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
