I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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