i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
