its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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