K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
