so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
