I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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