I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
