he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
