I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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