Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I want to be your penis for a week.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize