quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Randomize
