I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
false alarm, still single
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