Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to stick my p in your. b.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
