I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
