Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
