Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
