Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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