apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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