a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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