Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
and you fell through a lawn chair
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
