i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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