New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
