Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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