oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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