what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
