Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Randomize
