Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
