Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
