if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
