That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Is Oprah even human
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
