plz talk dirty to me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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