mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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