he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
oh god was she eating orange peels again
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
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