We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
