how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
