well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
