I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
