how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
