she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Well I just put wine in my tea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
