On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
